To be a person on earth

At noon-time, I walked in the back door of the Astrology building and saw Ryan sitting at a table eating lunch. He had been waiting for me for eleven days. We locked eyes for eight seconds as I crossed the foyer. Ryan is married to a woman named Kate. Ryan likes motorcycles. Ryan's daughters both run track. I smashed the release bar of the front exit. I pulled on my hat and kept walking.

I am a person on earth. Every day around 2:00 I have a craving for Earl Grey tea. Around 6:00 I have a craving for rice. In the spring and summer, these cravings are for iced coffee and salad. I'm lucky because I can give myself these things every day. For money, I look at a computer screen for eight or ten hours. I also do this for fun. Most of the time my mind is a conveyor belt of tasks. I zone out and become a robot. I am very effective at Working. There are holes in my brain.

I am surrounded by feminist women but there is no sex or anger in the air. Here is what I have for lunch: green juice; three mozzarella pearls; a fruit bar; applesauce packet. Most of these items are marketed to children but anyone can eat them, there's absolutely no regulation. I have already had a vat of tea and three hundred hits of my vape. I took two phone calls. The man who delivered the sandwiches made a clerical error and I was not charged a tip. I feel guilty.

On the wall in my office, I hung a strange photo that I found on the ground of a room in one of the residential halls in the 1950s. There are four reclining chairs arranged in an anthropomorphic conference. The photo is taken through a doorway so that it feels like you are interrupting. It's of Smith but it reminds me of Bennington. Someone asked me about it and I told them: I found it on the ground. It's one of the residential halls in the 1950s. Isn't it strange? They looked nervous and deflected. When people don't want to hear something they just kind of don't hear it.

At night I have been incanting. Lighting candles and participating in various activities available in my bedroom. I like to watch movies but it's getting harder at night because I have so much energy between 8:00 and 1:00. Sometimes one of my friends calls me on the phone and I either answer or I don't. Olive said it's strange that I screen my calls. I figure if someone needs to talk to me they will call twice and I will know it's important. A lot of my friends live in different time zones and this is good because I don't sleep much.

I enjoy attending this fairly standard Chinese restaurant in town for dinner. It has a calm ambiance and they serve wine. I eat rice. It costs very little. They get my order wrong a lot, which I like. Everything in this town is very old as far as towns go. Rich people live in the beautiful apartments above the shops on the main street and I can see them typing. I wish I was up there but my apartment is nice too.

My roommate is a curator and they are always talking about curation. I'm not really sure about art but I've picked up ways of being able to seem like I know how to talk about it from having so many friends who do art. I can say sentences that make the conversation locomote. I can do it all day. I can write poetry even though I'm not really sure what it is or how to make it.

When I'm going to sleep I imagine how big the universe is compared to the earth and it makes me feel better about everything that I feel bad about. If I stay up too late without doing activities I start remembering more things that make me feel bad. Sometimes I think about them instead of turning away but then I start crying and it becomes a logistical nightmare with my eye mask. I have to have a conference about all of this. I have to buy a new eye mask on eBay every time the elastic gives out.

My favorite day is Tuesday. My favorite time is 11:00 pm. My favorite week is the second one. I guess I like potential. My favorite month has been October my whole life, but this year it's November. You have to notice when things like this change or you'll lose track of who you are. My whole life I thought I hated hiking. It turns out I was always thinking the wrong thoughts while hiking. You have to cultivate the environment. You have to smell everything. Sometimes you have to touch shit, literal shit, on earth.